Saturday, June 28, 2008

Tech Support Rants Introduction

I decided back when I worked for a major computer company that I needed a way to vent frustrations. You know when you're told "Your call may be recored for quality assurance" Well that was my job, listening to the recordings. Unfortuantly some of the calls were so horrible that I couldn't go on not sharing them. Now this has nothing to do with the customer that was calling in. It's all the "professional's" fault. Everyone who takes the call is supposed to be A+ Certified, which means that they're supposed to be qualified to fix a computer. But some of them made me question their ability to think let alone fix a computer. It was so bad that some of the first thoughts a normal person would have didn't even occur to the people being paid to take the calls. There are only a few posts for this series since I no longer work there and it got to the point where the calls just repeated the same things so enjoy.

(These posts were pulled from videos that were recorded at an earlier date)

Alien Abduction Safety Instructions

(This was inspired by Penn and Teller's Bullshit...)

Welcome to Interplanetary flight 66. If you have not yet boarded our flight please make sure you store any loose objects in your glove compartment as levitation can cause them to become dangerous at face level.

If you continue to experience static or interference please make sure that all electronics are turned off, this will save battery life for you drive back home and free you from having to get a jump start.

The examination table is fitted with indestructible restraints for your own safety.

In the event that we don't enjoy your company, our vehicle is fitted with 6 emergency exits, 2 in front, 2 in the floor and 2 in back.

If you experience a loss of time, soft hands will lower from hidden compartments in the ceiling to gently wake you before you are released

If at any time you feel a slight probing sensation, and are not restrained, please curl up in the fetal position as it will be more comfortable.

In the unlikely event of a water landing we will use your body as a flotation device.

Please make sure your doors are unlocked and your seatbelt are unfastened, we look forward to seeing you shortly.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Why you are more likely to get a foreign person when you call Tech Support.

So I just talked to a former coworker of mine today and found out some interesting information about the Tech Support industry. It’s not that they can pay less, though that has something to do with it. 

The company I used to work for had many locations world wide and they had multiple locations on the same "project" or "account" (For example, Microsoft or Dell). Now, this is the same company running locations in the USA and outside the USA so they get the money either way. 

But here's why the foreigners are smarter than those in the USA. Contracts. In the USA, we mostly have what's called "Right to work" laws which state that; "You may quit or be fired for any reason at any time without notice." Not so in these other countries; they have contracts that read, "You cannot be terminated because of loss of project or for any other reason than violation of policy." Or something to that effect. This means that those in the USA doing the same job can be fired at anytime while those not in the USA will get paid even if the project is pulled and they sit on their ass at home. 

This means it’s in the larger company's best interest to keep the people outside the USA employed and working because they have to pay them no matter what. Then, when it comes time to reduce the workforce, the cuts come from the employees who are not under a contract, those inside the USA. It doesn't matter that the customers who are calling prefer to talk to those in the USA or that customer service ratings are higher because of that. Nope, because the people sitting in the corporate office still get the same pay no matter what and they even get a bonus for reducing the budget. 

The only way this would stop is if the 1st party provides its own support. That means Dell or Microsoft or HP or whoever would have to directly hire, train, and manage their own tech support staff. (Dell and Microsoft both directly hire support staff to help their best customers.) Then, they would care about customer satisfaction more because it would directly affect their sales and what ends up in their pockets.