Ramblings

A response to "The Hidden Life of Men: What they really think, What superpowers they possess, how they see the world."

2011-01-27T23:35:00.000-08:00

Edit: I just learned that the author was male, please disregard any thoughts from when I believed the author to be female, I am leaving the post as I wrote it.

First, if you're reading this and haven't read this please click and do so now.

I was not done with the second paragraph before I wanted to beat the author with her own words. (I'm assuming the writer was female based on the blog.) Saying that I (a man) has no thoughts, only looking to fill points in a script such as food, beer, sports and legs (or other woman parts) is just showing ignorance. I deal with ignorant people every day in my job, so being smacked with a wall of ignorance shouldn't be a surprise but it was. I wonder how this "feminist" would take it if I lumped all "feminists" into a package saying they only think about bras, how they can be oppressed, and how loud they can complain. But I don't do that because no single person in the entire world is completely like another.

Now the author goes on to say men are like dogs. Now if a man describes a woman as a dog she will most certainly flip out, why it is okay for a woman to do the exact same thing? Dear author I'm calling your cowardly ass out. (You'll notice the post is by "Guest") If you have to hide behind anonymity then maybe you shouldn't write that post.

Last thing in the second paragraph is the author saying LDS guys are like normal guys. What is a "Normal" guy? What is a "Normal" human for that matter? You think in your analogy that LDS guys don't replace "beer" with something else, but say they don't and that they are incomplete. Sure as long as we ignore the next sentence you write saying that "Oh yeah well any item of /subject/ can be substituted."

"...get two nuclear physicist together talking shop...and they've only substituted their profession for 'Football'" This is the equivalent of saying "Put two women together and they'll only gossip." Personally I don't tend to talk about work or sports with anyone in my profession. Work might come up from time to time but I never have an exclusive topic of conversation. Then she continues to say even two professionals in a conversation will devolve into sports. I don't know what professionals always have their conversation go from their profession to one about sports. I don't know anyone who doesn't keep their conversations to the topic necessary to achieve the goal of the conversation, be it a physicist or a IT guy.

The next paragraph the author says that guys are simple, but woman think they are complicated. Here's where the author really shows that she knows nothing about the male half of the species. Men and Woman are raised with a bunch of stereotypes; for men its "don't share your feelings, don't cry, you have to always be strong." just to name a few. Maybe this is why the author thinks men are not complicated, she's only experienced men who are trapped in the stereotypes they were raised with.

The author wants to talk about how women see a "chick flick" and see something in the characters she recognizes in someone she knows. But a guy watches a movie that requires no thought at all. I love any type of movie as long as it has a good story and plot to it, wether its a romance, drama, comedy, action, horror, sci-fi or any combination of genre. If the story or plot sucks, then I don't like the movie. As far as television goes, I prefer television that makes you think, wether its a mystery that I try to solve before the characters on screen do or a show involving science and experiments that I can learn from. I'd like to see the author name her examples of "guy television" and "guy movies."

"All woman think men have superpowers. This frustrates guys" My first reaction to this I'll admit was "What. The. Fuck?!" I have NEVER had ANYONE tell me I had superpowers. If they had I'd respond "cool" and move on. "they have three superpowers avaiable and don't know about it." Doesn't this contradict the last quote? How can a guy be frustrated that a woman thinks he has superpowers but he doesn't know he has superpowers? Maybe this is why the author cowers and hides her identity? Because she can't form a cohirent string of thoughts that don't contradict each other.

Alright so men have superpowers, lets take a look at the author's explanation of this.

Mind reading: So the author says that woman shouldn't get frustrated that men can't read their minds. Wait I thought this was an explanation of what supposed superpowers men had, not what they didn't have. I'm confused, does the author think guys have superpowers or not?

I may not be able to read your mind but I bet if you're not hiding it, I can tell if your happy or upset.

Here comes another contradiction. Guys in general have more upper body strength than woman. Here's another stereotype we're all thrown into. No, wait the author's explanation for this is "dumb luck and testosterone." and this isn't a superpower like women think it is. However it counts a superpower men don't know they have. I can't make sense of what the author is saying. Is this a superpower or not? Because she's said both yes and no in the same paragraph.

Being arrogant is also a superpower, and women are more attracted to arrogant men. I think rather than a superpower this shows a flow in some women's thought process of how to pick a mate. Perhaps here is where I should realize that the author isn't talking about me, but about the dumb men she's picked in her dating life. Personally I consider arrogance to be a personality flaw, not a superpower.

"Why are there any nice guys left? Well, guys don't think enough to catch on to things like this." This begin that "women tend to like arrogant guys more than self confident ones" arrogance and self confidence are different? I'm sure you can be self confident without being arrogant but I'm not so sure you can be arrogant without being self confident. "and a lot more than nice guys." Yet I hear those same woman complain that they can't ever find a "nice guy" or that all the "nice guys are taken." Hey women who think this, listen up. GO TALK TO THE GUYS! Not the loud ones at the bar but the quiet one off to the side. He probably thinks you're hot but out of his league. He probably has too much respect for women to just butt in to your conversation between you and your girlfriends.

On to the third and final superpower guys have but don't know. "the ability to think they look guy when they really do not." Why? because guys walk around on the beach with "their ownsomes exposed to the world." Alright, sure maybe some guys think they look good when they don't. So do most the women in Hollywood or models or the 40 year old who still shops in the children's section. Maybe some guys just don't obsess about their looks. "This is how I look and I'm okay with it." Hey there's that self confidence, and you know, what? If that guy, who doesn't look good, thinks that you think he looks good, there's that arrogance you're so attracted to! You say he's not attractive? Please stop contradicting yourself now and save me the headache.

Included with this third superpower is that to a guy the word "cute" means "pretty." Alright, lets look up the definitions of the words "cute" and "pretty."

Cute: adj 1. Attractive or pretty in a dainty way

Pretty: adj 1. pleasingly attractive in a delicate way.

So pretty is part of the definition of cute, and pretty means attractive. Just to avoid confusion lets define dainty and delicate also.

Dainty: adj 1. delicate

Delicate: adj 1. fine in texture, quality, etc 2. fragile 3. precise in action 4. keenly sensitive

So if a guy says that you are cute what he's really saying is that you're attractive but sensitive and fragile. Well lets see, my mom says my sister gets away with her attitudes and easily hurt feelings because she's sensitive due to her hormones. Also the author herself said that men are stronger than women "(in upper body strength)" so I guess fragile is true too. So I guess a guy saying you're cute is only speaking the truth according to my mom and the author.

Now the author goes back to talking about superpowers guys don't have. Wait, is this another one that guys don't have but they do have but don't know that they have it? Omniscience: noun 1. the quality or state of being omniscient 2. Infiniite knowledge 3. God. Well I know some guys who think they are "God's gift to women." Not sure I know any guy who thinks he is God or as the author states, women think men have omniscience, but I don't know any women who thinks any of the men around her are God. Wait what's the title of this blog? "Feminist Mormon Housewives." So this is a blog from a religious perspective where the author admits (or says some women admit) to thinking that a man who buys her roses instead of carnations is God. I'm not sure I have to say anything else on this. Back to the flowers, the guy ended up giving the girl roses just by dumb luck. Is this the same dumb luck that gave him upper body strength? This point does lead to something I can agree with the author about. Dropping subtle hints won't work with an arrogant man. The arrogant man knows exactly what you want, and since you didn't tell him otherwise, he's right.

Maybe if you didn't pass up your chance with that nice guy he would pay attention to what you say and catch your hints and clues as to what you like.

"By 'subtle' I mean 'things a woman would consider so obvious it must be shouting''" yet another contradiction.

I passed the bit with her saying men have attention deficit disorder. Where did the author get her doctorate? How did she make this diagnosis of every man on the planet? I think after reading this article I can guess that the author is either on a vendetta or insane, but I would suggest the author go see a few doctors with medical degrees perhaps one with a degree in psychology and get a professional opinion or two.

How guys see the world when they go off "script" as referenced earlier in the post. Well this is the one superpower guys have left. But wait, I thought there were only three and we covered those. Wait, isn't this another contradiction? Why yes, yes it is.

Seeing beauty in those they love. Just to stay on track, lets define Beauty: noun 1. the quality that gives intense pleasure to the sight or other senses. I'm not sure I get intense pleasure in any sense from everyone I love, but lets define intense just to make sure. Intense: adj 2. having strong feeling. So beauty is "quality that gives strong feelings of pleasure to sight or other senses" well that defiantly doesn't fit how I feel about everyone I love. Now based on the rest of the paragraph the author should have said "Seeing beauty in those they are in love with."

Okay she's right, but not for her reason stated (men think women are crazy.) No, I only think the author is crazy. Beauty is different for every person in the world. What I find beauty in, I would guess that almost everyone else in the world wouldn't. Sure there may be sometimes where another person and I find beauty in the same thing but that will never happen with all things.

Here's what you should remember. Men and Women are different, but only because they were raised that way. You can stop enforcing gender stereotypes with your kids and maybe that will help men and women understand each other better.

The author ends her post with "That is the hidden life of men." No, that post is a reenforcement of stereotypes and part of what's wrong with the world.

2010-03-10T17:53:00.001-08:00

Moving from Apple's iPhone to Google's Nexus One

2010-02-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

This will appear disjointed because i'm going to put in dots as they come not in any particular order

Turning the phone on. The iphone's implementation of turning the phone on is better i know me that you can use the power button and the home button to turn the phone off on the nexus 1 only to power button will turn the phone on standby the trackball will not.

Keyboard: the iPhone will show you what key you're on if you hold your finger over it, as will the Nexus One. You do have a suggestion bar and that suggests possible words you're trying to type so using this could make typing much faster. (Note, yes auto-correct is turned on, I don't know if there's a way to modify what it will auto-correct.) I will say my biggest problem with the Nexus One is with the keyboard, if I start typing fast I eventually end up hitting the home button and kicking myself out of the application I'm using at the time. This NEVER happened on the iPhone. I think the Nexus One's suggestions are also more distracting than helpful as I'm spending more time looking for the right suggestion to assist in typing rather than just typing. The "keys" are also spaced closer together than the iPhone's, they keys could be spaced further apart to make tying easier.

File management: Adding custom ringtones is extremely easy on the iPhone, granted I have Garageband so its just edit a file, export as ringtone and done. The Nexus One requires no less steps in creating the file except I can create ringtones on the device from existing songs already on it, however transferring files to the Nexus One requires some extra steps since there's no management application like iTunes. You have to select the USB settings from the phone and Mount the device from the phone before you can modify files on the SD Card from the computer.

Default (built-in) Applications: The Nexus One has the most built-in applications but lets look at how useful those are, quality over quantity. Both phones have a browser, calculator*, calendar, camera, photo gallery, clock, address book, email, maps, app store, music store, SMS, Music player, phone (obviously), Weather*, youtube, clock and in current iphone models though not mine, voice search and dialing. (the Nexus One has these as separate applications while the iPhone combines these into one.)
(*The calculator in the iPhone provides you with a scientific calculator if you rotate to landscape view, the Nexus One remains a simple basic calculator.)
The iPhone also gives you Notes, Stocks and voice recorder.
Nexus One gives you Navigation, facebook, gmail, goggles, news* (built into the weather application), google talk and google voice.
Okay so the missing applications on the Nexus One can easily be added for free from the android marketplace. Not so easy to do on the iPhone, to get Google Voice for instance, you have to jailbreak your iPhone or use the web application but I'm not counting web applications, only native ones. (Google's web application is amazing though)
Here's where my issue of quality comes in though, I will never use the facebook application, but I cannot remove it. (If there is a way the process is far too difficult) This is space I will never get to use and since I'm limited to the internal phone memory instead of the expansion card for applications I'm quite upset about this "open" operating system forcing me to keep this application. (I'm sure it can be removed by rooting the phone but I don't want to do this, jailbreaking was part of the reason for giving up the iPhone.)

Camera: The Nexus One has the better camera hands down. Not because its 5MP, not because of the flash, because of the auto-focus.

Battery life: This is not usually an issue for me, my iPhone charges when I'm in the car and its very rare that I ended up with battery life problems. The Nexus One has mostly been left without charging for the entire day, still more than 1/4 battery life left at 13 hours of use. (Note: I'm not a heavy phone user.) If you're not getting the battery life you expect out of your Nexus One then you can see why by going into settings and about, it'll tell you what part of the phone is using up your battery the most and suggest a way for you to fix it.

Notifications when phone screen is off: the iPhone will light up for a few seconds with a message popup that will remain or become a list if you have multiple notifications when you turn the phone on, you can see this before you unlock, then each application will have a badge letting you know there was activity, but you'd have to browse though your applications to see these.
The Nexus One uses the trackball as a notification light, with the screen off I can see that something happened on my phone, turning the phone on, the icons in the notification bar tell me what apps are affected and I can use the same notification bar as many times as needed to access each application.

Docks: While I don't have the official Apple iPhone dock, I have the Griffin Air, which doubles as an amplifier for the iPhone's speaker and emulates the iPhone dock well enough. I slide my phone on, it connects to the computer, syncs with iTunes and starts to charge.
The Nexus One dock is designed for the phone's body, this is unfortunate because I have the invisible shield on my device (Both the Nexus One and iPhone) And although the invisible shield is very thin and much less obtrusive than a case, it prevents the dock from working as designed with the Nexus One. I have to work to get the phone to dock correctly, but its worth it for the clock and its "night mode" as I'm going to call it.

Instant Messaging/SMS: the iPhone doesn't have any native IM clients but its SMS application is as close to iChat as you can get on the phone, if you had two iPhone users with unlimited SMS plans then it would be for all intents and purposes iChat. The Nexus One comes with an SMS application as well as gTalk. The Messaging application works just like the iPhone's SMS application, doesn't feel like SMS messages do on other phones. Google Talk only allows you to use one of your google accounts, the one you setup as your primary account. This goes the same with Google Voice and any other Google application on the phone, they'll use the same Google account, so if you sign out of one you sign out of all of them. This doesn't work very well for those that have multiple accounts for public and personal use. So with both phones you're better off using an app downloaded from whichever store you have access to.

Overall I'm enjoying my time with the Nexus One, but will be keeping an Apple device around due not only to the many applications available, but the money already invested.

UPDATE: When a call comes in while your phone is locked the iPhone only allows you to answer the call or let it ring its full time to forward to voicemail, the Nexus One allows you to decline the call.

First 12 hours with the Nexus One UPDATED

2010-02-02T00:48:00.001-08:00

My Nexus One that I ordered on Friday arrived today. (Overnight shipping my ass.) I'm still in the setting up and configuring phase for a few reasons, 1. I wasn't home when it arrived, 2. I had to get an Invisible Shield from Zagg on it so it wouldn't slip out of my hand. 3. I'm still reading The Manual. (Yes I read the manual.)

My early impressions are that its not an every-man's phone. Its not an intuitive UI. Browsing and selecting applications is more difficult than it should be in the world of the iPhone. Instead of having your applications available on your various homescreens, there's an application list that you have to select from, you can drag an application from this list to your home screens but why the extra step?

If your phone is on silent, you can't modify any of the sound options until you take your phone off silent, so I couldn't even view the ringtone list until I un-silenced my phone.

The keyboard seems to have some consistent problems getting along with my fingers, or the other way around, either way its always trying to type letters that I'm not trying to type when I'm towards one of the edges of the device.

Multitasking is great except when applications are competing for your attention with notifications that you have activity up in the header of the phone. However since there's no obvious way to quit an application I have to assume that every application I open is running in the background and chewing up my battery.

Uninstalling applications is also more steps than it should be, you have to go into settings, then manage your applications and uninstall via a menu system instead of removing from the homescreen.

Oh and since this is the big thing to make an issue, NO FLASH OMGWTFBBQ.... /sarcasm

I love the screen and the controls, having the option to roll the mouse down so I don't have to look at the phone is great.

The Android Marketplace is easy to navigate. It looks like most if not all the apps I used over 3G on my iPhone are here.

EVERYTHING is fast.

Oh yeah, Speech to text. This is AWESOME

I also bought the dock but didn't have much to say about it until I decided to go to bed and saw this... Okay now that is just cool and makes this the perfect accessory, great for travel and just so simple.

In about a week I'll review and compare the Nexus One and the iPhone after giving the Nexus One a fair chance. (And by fair chance I mean that I'll be writing this up after I'm as used to the Nexus One as I am with the iPhone, so if that takes longer than a week I'll give it longer than a week.)

Update: There's a task manager in the settings. I can see what applications are currently running now so I guess only parts of applications remain running if those applications have some sort of notification service, the main application shuts down when you leave it if the application isn't active. The notification bar tells you if you have an "ongoing" application meaning that its running in the background.

Update 2: I'm trying to not update this post too much but I didn't mention this above because I didn't miss it, but a software update released today adds multitouch to the Nexus One, looks like a good week to be switching.

Tech Support Rants #2: FIRE!

2009-01-29T20:54:00.001-08:00

Tech Support Rants 3:

So this is the tech support rant for Tuesday, whatever the date is cuz I don’t really know. I don’t pay attention to things like that. Tuesday, I held off on this one because I thought I would get a little more today. Maybe it’s for Wednesday, I have no idea. Anyway, I’m way behind. I didn’t go on about training, I missed days because I didn’t have any really bad calls. Actually this week I’ve had really good calls until yesterday, which was Wednesday the 27th or something like that. Anyway, so call comes in and customer says, “I’m calling because my computer caught fire.”

The agent sits there and seems to go “Oh, your computer caught fire. Well, that’s interesting. Uh, well, are you at the computer?”

The customer’s like, “Well no. I’m calling for my son who’s not here at the moment, and the computer isn’t here with him.”

And so the agent goes, “Well, oh, let me see what I can do.” And he puts the customer on hold. It’s kind of a long hold. At this point the agent hasn’t asked anything like, “Well is the fire put pout? Is everyone okay?” You know… simple common sense questions, you know. Kind of like… make sure that the customer’s okay and not calling you when they should be calling the fire department instead. They actually train us on that. *sigh*

You know I think the training is worthless. I don’t think it sinks in to half these people that they have, and ….argh… a quarter or half of the other half is just there because they can breathe. And then half of the other half, which is half of the half of the half of the half… I think. Anyway, they’re the ones that actually know what they’re doing and can do the job well. Too bad they can’t infect the others with how to do the job well.

Anyways, the agent comes back and says, “Well it’s Dell’s policy that we can’t help you unless you’re in front of the computer.” Uh… yeah… so uh, of course this guy gets a really low score and basically gets told, “I’m sorry. You did the wrong thing.” So… because there is no policy like that. There is nothing that says you have to be in front of the computer to help to troubleshoot it. Especially when it comes to somebody saying their computer caught on fire. There’s absolutely nothing that says anything about the customer has to be in front of the computer.

But this is what makes it all the better. The supervisor for this agent wrote me an email today saying “I don’t accept this score,” Or this red flag as we call them because that’s what happens, you get so many red flags you’re supposed to be fired because they’re supposed to be severe violations of the policies that are put in place. And so he comes back and says, “I don’t accept this red flag because the agent did exactly what he was supposed to do.”

I basically... had one of those moments where I had my jaw drop open, and I said, “What? How could he have done what he was supposed to do? He didn’t even check to see if the people were all right, if the computer was not on fire anymore!”

He did finally tell the customer, ‘Uh well…..I wouldn’t use that computer anymore.” At the end of the call, but…. First thing; is the computer unplugged? Is everyone okay? Was anyone hurt in the fire? Is the fire out?” Those should be among the first things that you ask, not the last things that you say! But… the supervisor didn’t officially dispute it, so as far as I know he might have by now.

But, you know, it’s kind of the ridiculous that even the supervisor sits there and says, “Well he did what he was supposed to do.” And…uh… I’d like to see where the policy says that he did what he was supposed to do. *sigh*

Jeez… you know, if you ever call and you get somebody in Utah, well… just hope it’s one of the southern places in Utah and not the northern one. That’s all I’m going to say. Uh… yeah it’s kind of obvious where I live, so, you know… I don’t really care. This is, just, it gets so ridiculous, and this has stuck with me for… I don’t know... it’s probably been almost 12 hours. Probably because I sent myself an email to remind me, “Hah! This happened!” Gotta love email. Like it a lot better than phones. But that’s another story and it has nothing to do with this. So there you go…um… I’m gonna shut up and stop saying Um.

After these messages...

2009-01-15T21:54:00.000-08:00

So Lights Off is coming to the App Store.
Probably one of the games I enjoy the most because its a brain puzzle. Those are the only games that I can play over and over again and will always bring me back. I'm sure this will become a permanent addition to my homescreen.
This was the first native iPhone app and now with the SDK everyone can experience it.
http://www.lightsoffapp.com/ for more info and how to buy.

Tech and You, or How to Not Get Hung Up On By Your Tech Support Person

2008-07-15T02:18:00.001-07:00

This will probably be the shortest post for tech support related advice you'll see. Honestly the answer to this is very, very simple.

The best way to do everything you can to not get hung up on by the person on the other side of the line when you call tech support is to just be calm.

Unfortunately I can't tell you this is a guarantee that you won't be hung up on, I've been hung up on for asking for something as simple as an explanation, or asking a question that was too hard for the agent I was talking to.

So be calm, don't sound upset or frustrated, don't make demands or get hostile. If you do, apologize. It shows that you understand you made the mistake and want to keep working to fix the problem.

Remember, most tech support people do not get paid enough for what they do. Most will be more than happy to stay on the line longer with someone who's pleasant to talk to. If you're unpleasant, usually the goal will be to do whatever they can do to get you off the line as fast as possible.

Tech Support Rants #1: Networking

2008-07-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

A customer called in, had a problem with her web browser. Web browser wouldn’t work. IM worked, her weather bug application worked, everything except the web browser – Firefox and IE – worked. The agent decided oh, well this is a network problem, and started checking the network connection using ping. Well, ping didn’t work either and so the agent told the customer, “Your internet’s not working.”

The customer said, “No it’s just the web browser that’s not working. My other internet stuff is working. I’m chatting with my friends right now.”

And the agent said, “Well. No, you internet is not working.” [Yes, he argued with the customer over what was working.] This basically didn’t work out very well and I don’t imagine the customer was very happy at the end of the call, but we only get to listen to 45 minutes of the call.

And after the 45 minutes, well then we don’t get to listen anymore. It would have been nice to listen to the end, but looking at the notes that the agent left at the end, he had no clue what was going on. He never checked the IE settings, never checked internet options, never checked proxy settings, never cleaned the cache, never cleaned the temp, never cleaned the cookies. You know… skipped some of the basics. That stuff.

It’s amazing how many people work at this company, are supposed to be A+ certified, and don’t know how to trouble shoot a network. I have to say the majority of calls are network problems. Especially wireless. It’s insane how bad they are at wireless troubleshooting. You’d think that this would be covered in training. Well it is, very briefly. But still... there’s some common sense stuff. Every agent will disable the factory installed application and turn on WZC, and when that connects they’ll say “Oh, you’re fine, goodbye.” Except it’s not because they’re not even supporting everything they’re supposed to. Oh, by the way, if you ever call tech support for a wireless problem and they turn on WZC and don’t use the factory installed application, which is probably better, then uh… give ‘em hell about it. Please. For QA’s sake. [repetitive/removed] It’d be nice to have somebody go off on an agent for being an idiot. In fact, we’d all get a laugh out of it. And we need some laughs because honestly these are horrible calls. There isn’t… well ok I’d say there isn’t one, but there are a few who can actually take a call, troubleshoot, and follow the policies that they have to follow. And there’s not that many. [There’s not even a script they have to follow.] They do have an order that they should do things in, but it’s an order that covers the 1st 3 minutes of the call and the last 30 seconds of the call isn’t that hard to follow. I mean, I wouldn’t think so but apparently it is.

This has been edited from the original recording, Edits are enclosed with brackets [].
If you want to view the original video you can do so here

Tech Support Rants Introduction

2008-06-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

I decided back when I worked for a major computer company that I needed a way to vent frustrations. You know when you're told "Your call may be recored for quality assurance" Well that was my job, listening to the recordings. Unfortuantly some of the calls were so horrible that I couldn't go on not sharing them. Now this has nothing to do with the customer that was calling in. It's all the "professional's" fault. Everyone who takes the call is supposed to be A+ Certified, which means that they're supposed to be qualified to fix a computer. But some of them made me question their ability to think let alone fix a computer. It was so bad that some of the first thoughts a normal person would have didn't even occur to the people being paid to take the calls. There are only a few posts for this series since I no longer work there and it got to the point where the calls just repeated the same things so enjoy.

(These posts were pulled from videos that were recorded at an earlier date)

Alien Abduction Safety Instructions

2008-06-28T20:52:00.001-07:00

(This was inspired by Penn and Teller's Bullshit...)

Welcome to Interplanetary flight 66. If you have not yet boarded our flight please make sure you store any loose objects in your glove compartment as levitation can cause them to become dangerous at face level.

If you continue to experience static or interference please make sure that all electronics are turned off, this will save battery life for you drive back home and free you from having to get a jump start.

The examination table is fitted with indestructible restraints for your own safety.

In the event that we don't enjoy your company, our vehicle is fitted with 6 emergency exits, 2 in front, 2 in the floor and 2 in back.

If you experience a loss of time, soft hands will lower from hidden compartments in the ceiling to gently wake you before you are released

If at any time you feel a slight probing sensation, and are not restrained, please curl up in the fetal position as it will be more comfortable.

In the unlikely event of a water landing we will use your body as a flotation device.

Please make sure your doors are unlocked and your seatbelt are unfastened, we look forward to seeing you shortly.

Why you are more likely to get a foreign person when you call Tech Support.

2008-06-02T14:14:00.001-07:00

So I just talked to a former coworker of mine today and found out some interesting information about the Tech Support industry. It’s not that they can pay less, though that has something to do with it.

The company I used to work for had many locations world wide and they had multiple locations on the same "project" or "account" (For example, Microsoft or Dell). Now, this is the same company running locations in the USA and outside the USA so they get the money either way.

But here's why the foreigners are smarter than those in the USA. Contracts. In the USA, we mostly have what's called "Right to work" laws which state that; "You may quit or be fired for any reason at any time without notice." Not so in these other countries; they have contracts that read, "You cannot be terminated because of loss of project or for any other reason than violation of policy." Or something to that effect. This means that those in the USA doing the same job can be fired at anytime while those not in the USA will get paid even if the project is pulled and they sit on their ass at home.

This means it’s in the larger company's best interest to keep the people outside the USA employed and working because they have to pay them no matter what. Then, when it comes time to reduce the workforce, the cuts come from the employees who are not under a contract, those inside the USA. It doesn't matter that the customers who are calling prefer to talk to those in the USA or that customer service ratings are higher because of that. Nope, because the people sitting in the corporate office still get the same pay no matter what and they even get a bonus for reducing the budget.

The only way this would stop is if the 1st party provides its own support. That means Dell or Microsoft or HP or whoever would have to directly hire, train, and manage their own tech support staff. (Dell and Microsoft both directly hire support staff to help their best customers.) Then, they would care about customer satisfaction more because it would directly affect their sales and what ends up in their pockets.

Cable Modem Troubleshooting

2008-01-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Recently, I had problems with my cable modem. Due to my knowledge in the area of networking, the first thing I thought was that the network needed to be reset. I unplugged the modem and the router, and then plugged them back in after having them powered down for about thirty seconds. This reset it. That didn't fix my problem. So, my next step was to call my Internet Service Provider. I asked them to reset the modem. (This led to one of the funniest conversations I've had in my life; if I followed the advice of the ISP's tech, I would always think my Windows XP computer was infected with spyware because the tech (lets call him Bill) insisted that "svchost.exe" in the process list was spyware. Then, after I connected my Mac, running OS X, directly to the modem and the connection was still slow, Bill said my Mac was also infected with spyware . This was news to me since I hadn't installed any and there's no known spyware for the Mac in the wild. But I needed to get rid of all those svchost.exe files that were running. Needless to say, I didn't listen to Bill very much longer and soon hung up.) Thanks to Bill's wonderful advice and lack of any knowledge whatsoever, I had to call back and talk to someone else for them to send a reset signal to my modem. That didn't fix the problem either. By this time, I've gone and connected my computer (a Macbook Pro)[already mentioned] directly to the modem so that I can rule out the router as being an issue. Funny thing is, when having my ISP test the connection speeds, the speeds were fine with nothing connected to the modem, but once a computer was connected, the speeds dropped to a horrible crawl. I decided to replace the modem and well, that fixed it. But how did I come to this conclusion? Well, I'm going to provide some of my troubleshooting steps to everyone out there now.

Step One: You've noticed that your connection is slow, even "speed tests" (though not always accurate) show that your connection is slow. (I use speedtest.net for mine) You can open your command line (In Windows, click on Start then click on Run and type "cmd" (without the quotes) then press the Enter key. From here you can type "ping google.com" (again without quotes) and press Enter. For people on a Mac, go into your Applications folder, Utilities, Terminal, and type "ping -c 4 google.com" the -c 4 will only let it ping 4 times, instead of infinite.) Most people should have an average of 50ms in the reply time for a cable connection.

Now you know there's a problem with the connection; ping times are high. Well, the next thing to check is that if your computer is the problem. If you're on Windows, shut down the computer and when you turn it on tap the F8 key until you get the Windows boot Options menu. From here you can select Safe Mode with Networking and see if your connection is any faster. If it’s not, chances are it’s not your computer. If you're on Linux or a Mac, shut down all the programs you're running and try the tests in step one again. If you don't have problems in Safe Mode or with no programs running, you might need to clean your system of viruses or gray-ware (malware, spyware, adware, etc).

Step Two: Now you know it’s not your computer. Well it’s time to unplug the modem and the router and leave them turned off for about 30 seconds, then plug them back in. This resets both of them. Now run the tests in Step One again and see what happens. Still having problems?

Step Three: Plug the computer directly into the modem. ONLY DO THIS IF YOU HAVE A FIREWALL ON YOUR COMPUTER!!! (In Windows go into the Control Panel and the Security Center and turn the firewall on. On a Mac the firewall is in System Preferences, either under Sharing or Security.) Now, with the computer plugged directly into the modem, run the tests in Step One again. If you still have a problem, now is the time to call your ISP.

Step Four: When you get the tech on the line politely explain what you have done before calling. Tell the tech that you are going to disconnect your computer from the modem and ask him/her to ping the modem without anything connected to it. Then, after that's done, connect your computer and ask them to ping it again. Chances are if the ping is fast with nothing connected and slow with a computer connected, then the modem has gone bad. If you rented the modem from the ISP, ask the tech if he can send out a new one. If you bought your modem, thank the tech for the work he did and then go purchase a new modem. (If it doesn't work you can usually return it.)

Step Five: Replacing the modem didn't work? Time to call your ISP again and schedule a tech to come and check the cables. By this point, you've ruled out everything else that could be a problem. The good news is that you've ruled everything else out. The bad news is that you have to wait for someone else to come out and test things to fix it.

How do you get what you want from Tech Support?

2007-12-24T00:45:00.000-08:00

The answer to this question can vary based on which company you are contacting and what service or product you need support with. However, I'm going to concentrate on some of the basics that you should always follow as a customer calling tech support or customer service from any company.

These are things that will make your tech support or customer service call experience better for you and for the person on the other line. Granted, some people can have you yell and scream at them and be fine with it and still help you as best as possible; but the natural human instinct is to treat people how they treat you.

First, when you call, make sure you gather all the information possible. If you have a computer, make sure you have the information that will identify that computer. (Service code, serial number, ect) This goes for most technological hardware. If you have a problem with an account somewhere, make sure you have your account name or number ready and information that can identify YOU as someone who should have access to make changes to the hardware or account.

After you have that information, call the company and do the thing you don't want to; follow the computer prompts. If the system is designed and working correctly this is the FASTEST way to get you to someone who can help you. (Computer companies might have their tech support split up based on what model of computer you have, for instance, so "Tech Support" isn't a good response without the computer system knowing WHAT computer you have, or else you're going to be transferred around to different people.) In some companies, the same person can handle multiple types of computer systems, but sometimes the tech support representative is only allowed to handle a specific model of computer. Or if you don't mind being transferred then do what you can to get a person as quickly as possible, but don't get frustrated if you're not transferred to the right person.

Now, are you calling the right company? Do you have a problem with something that didn't come with your computer? Or was it a "Retail" piece of software? Is this something you bought extra to go with your technology? You might find out that the company you're calling can't help you with that. Why not? Because they're not allowed to, and because they don't have the training in order to provide you with the best service possible. And if something's really broken with it, there's nothing they can do about it.

So, now that you have the tech or customer service rep on the phone, they need to gather some information from you. This is to help them make sure they're able to bring up the right computer information and they know who they're talking to. Sometimes, it’s even so that they can get in touch with you if the call is disconnect for some reason.

Calmly explain your problem, with as much detail as possible. If it’s a technical problem and you have an error message, give the tech the exact error message that you had. (Be ready to give everything, including the 'bunch of numbers' to the tech; it’s the best chance you have of getting the issue resolved.) Being as detailed as possible is the best way to get your problem fixed. Not to mention, it makes the job easier for the person on the other end of the line.

Remember, the person on the other side of the phone might not even work directly for the company. Chances are they don't and they're just doing what they're told to do by far too many people. Some companies teach their people to get you off the phone as quickly as possible. Others tell their techs/reps to do what it takes to fix the problem the customer has.

So what do you do if you get someone who can't seem to help you? Calmly ask for a supervisor; ask more than once. Don't demand it, but ask. Generally, the conversation that goes on between the supervisor and the person you're talking to will either go along the lines of, "This is the problem this person has; I'm not able to do anything but maybe you can." (In the case of a non-technical problem such as a complaint about services provided or billing.) Or, "This person is complaining about this and they probably don't have anything really wrong." (In the case where the user perceives a problem because the computer is not acting the way they think it should act.) You can figure out which conversation happens if you're constantly nice to the tech/rep. If you haven't been nice, then the supervisor will hear about your tone of voice and word choice.

If you're nice to the people you talk to, they'll be more willing to help you solve your problem and hope you will remain a customer because when you call in for help you don't increase the stress levels of the technicians on the other end of the line. Companies will "terminate their relationship" with people who are a constant nuisance. That means they'll refund your money, take their product back, and never do business with you again. Every company has a limit to how far they'll go to keep a customer, but usually you're one of thousands and they can afford to lose you if you start to cost the company too much. (In tech time or in replacement costs.)

Remember that just like you, the people you call are just doing their job. Like most people, you'll want to respond in a more positive way to someone if they are positive towards you. Most people work better when they're not being yelled at and they enjoy their jobs a lot more when the experience is pleasant.

What to do before calling Dell Technical Support.

2007-12-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

NOTE: This article specifically contains information for owners of Dimension, Inspiron, and XPS systems; in other-words, Home and Small Business customers. If your computer was purchased by a school or government agency then your support lines might be different.

So you have a Dell computer and you need to call Tech Support for some reason, but you don’t want to spend hours on the phone while you’re doing basic troubleshooting. This guide will help get you ready to call Dell, get to the right queue (Yes, Desktops, Notebooks, Inspiron, Dimension, and XPS all have different queues and the people who answer those calls can’t help you if you don’t have the computer they’re allowed to support.) It will also help you skip going over the “basics” while you’re on the phone and get right to fixing the problem.

How am I going to skip all the “basic” stuff? Well, Dell is so great that they offer the EXACT SAME database that their tech supports have access to, to you. Yes, you read right, the EXACT SAME database. Why does Dell do this? It’s for reducing your time spent on the phone with the Tech Support Agent. (This is better for the customers and better for Dell; most people don’t like spending time on the phone, and the less time an agent has to spend talking to you the more money Dell can save.)

Now, how to skip the time waisted on troubleshooting the “basics” over the phone. The first step is to get to a computer that works. If your computer works and can get online, all the better. Open your browser and go to HYPERLINK "http://support.dell.com" http://support.dell.com just like that. From there you’re going to click on Troubleshooting and FAQs Now, it’s asking for your Service Tag.

The Service Tag. This is something a lot of people have a hard time finding when they’re on the phone. You’re lucky though if you’re at the above website and you’re on your Dell. Click the option for “Enter a Tag.” Then click “Find My Service Tag.” It’ll ask you to run an Active X control and then it’ll fill in your Service Tag for you. Write this down; you’ll need it when you call Tech Support.

If you had to go to another computer, then you have a bit of work to do. You can always look on the top for a black or silver sticker (if you have a desktop) it will say HYPERLINK "http://www.dell.com" www.dell.com on the top and list your Service Tag and Express Service Code. If you have a notebook, look on the bottom, a plain white sticker with a barcode will have your Service Tag and Express Service Code. These can be quite small, so if you’d like something easier to read and your Dell will turn on, then you have a couple options. If Windows will boot, click on Start (or the Windows Perl), go find the Dell folder, and open the Express Service Code program. This will give you your Service Tag (Numbers and letters) and your Express Service Code (all numbers). These are unique to your computer and will allow the person on the phone to access your account. If Windows doesn’t start, you can go into the BIOS by pressing F2 when you see the Dell logo. You’ll end up at a blue screen with a menu on the left and a wide space on the right. Look for “System Info” under “System” (If you don’t see it, highlight “System” and push “enter”.) Right there is your Service Tag. Again, write this down.

Now, back on the Dell website, you’ve put in your Service Tag and you have a new screen. The model of your computer is in bold. Write this down as well. On this page is a search box under “Search Dell Solutions Network” This is what we want. This is the Anti-Google so you want to be vague. Your computer won’t start? Type “No power” Usually the first couple results will have what you want. Under Content Type look for “Wizard” this will give you a step by step guide on what troubleshooting to do you for your computer. Once you’re done you’ll either have your problem fixed without having to call Dell at all, or you’ll be told “STEP: Contact Dell Technical Support” When you see that look up on the top or the bottom of the page is something called a “Journal ID” or just “Journal” Write this number down also.

Now it’s time to get ready call Dell. If you only have your Service Tag you'll need to get your Express Service Code. This is how the computer system gets you to the right person to talk to and you avoid being transferred. If you already have the Express Service Code from earlier, GREAT! If not, go look for it using the steps above. The phone will ask for this and will direct your call based on what information you can provide. So, if you don’t want to be transferred, it’s a really important thing to have. (It’s easier for the agent to understand someone reading the Express Service Code than it is to read the Service Tag because the Express Service Code is all numbers.)

The model of computer you have also determines which phone number you should call. (If you don’t have your Express Service Code you have a better chance of ending up at the right person if you call the right number.) If you have a Dimension or Inspiron computer then you want to call 1-800-624-9896. For XPS customers, 1-800-232-8544. These are both 24/7 support numbers. Be ready to put in your Express Service Code and also give this to the Agent. Also give the agent YOUR name. (Unless changes are being made to data on the system or a part needs to be sent out, the agent DOES NOT need the name of the person who purchased the computer, so DON’T GIVE IT TO THEM. If they refuse to troubleshoot, ask for their supervisor; after you ask three times they MUST escalate you, or they could lose their job.) Also give them your DSN Journal ID (DSN is short for Dell Solutions Network and it’s what the agents know the database as.) They will probably be surprised that you have this but it will tell them what steps you have already done. DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU HAVE DONE. There is no reason for them to ask you to repeat anything. Again, ask for their supervisor if they do.

There you go. That’s how to minimize your time on the phone. But wait. Why do you have to do this troubleshooting? Why can’t Dell just send someone out to do this for you? Isn’t that what you paid for? Well its not; in your warranty you agreed to troubleshoot with the phone or chat agent and Dell would only send someone to you if you paid for that level of service and a part needs to be replaced in your computer that you don’t feel comfortable replacing yourself.

I hope you find this information valuable and use it to your advantage.